If authors were lovers to the English language

thegestianpoet:

• Wilde would whisper flowery sweet nothings in your ear during foreplay but then have his very dirty way with you
• Fitzgerald would spend like an hour bragging about how good he was and then come much too soon
• Shakespeare would make up positions on the spot but they’d be awesome
• Doyle would please you once and then complain when you kept asking him to do the same thing over and over again
• Hemingway would explain in no uncertain terms exactly what he was going to do, and do exactly one very simple act, but goddamn if it wasn’t the best time you’ve had in years anyways
• Joyce would take FOREVER but eventually satisfy you
• Rand would make you do all the work yourself
• Poe would cry